Presidential Line-up ‘08 - just for fun!

Alright wiseguys! In an ideal world, who would YOU select as President of Pakistan?

Here’s a few suggestions to help you along;

Ali Noor

Occupation: Mega Rockstar (on a hiatus these days) and quiz show host.

Why: He studied Law, Law = Politics! He’s a married spud too. Marriage is healthy for politics. We want a first lady!

The youth (under-30) make up 70% (?) of the country’s population, and he’s all about catering to the under-30s. The fact that he annoyeth almost everyone maketh  him prime presidential meat!  

How he’ll address the nation: He’s scarey, his piercing green eyes and snarl of an expression,  to outsiders (ghair mumaalik) he’ll use his death-inducing tone as per Khalla ”tum ne apni insaaniyat ko maar diya, phir tum ne uss ki meyyat ko jalaa diya” (shudder), but to his country folk he’ll use his laa-di-daa camp, ‘lithp’ and address the people with ”mazaa aya, kya??”.

 

Ali Azmat

Occupation; Mega Rockstar, chat-show host, general social aadmi, can be seen everywhere.

Why: Kurri fancies him as next president, I personally dont see why? BUT he’s an icon and people generally like him for his ability to gas (talk a lot). He’s unmarried and goes through girlfriends like a pair of pants (allegedly). Perfect!

How he’ll address the nation: Drunk!

Meera

Occupation: Fillum istaar froms Lollywoods buts covets roles froms Bollywoods, brand ambassador to Lax!

Why: Read this! She wants the entire kaum beaten with dandey! Oye hoye!

How she’ll address the nation: Flick her hair, pump up the pout, and generally hiss a lot!  I’m sure it’ll work a treat for Pakistan’s International PR.  Sigh, what will the nation do without President Meera Begum?

Shaan

Occupation: Movie star, Director, son of a movie-star couple, model, involved in all sorts of advertising campaigns. Full time Proud Paki.

Why: Full time Proud Paki. Nicknamed ”Shaan-e-Pakistan” for his ‘man of the masses’ type appeal. Rippling muscles. Sexy with faux ‘tache. Yes please!

How he’ll address the nation: I’m sorry what? Wasn’t listening, I was mezmerised by those ginormous eyebrows.

Oh! Ermm.. just think of those Lux Style Awards host speeches where he attempts English. Love him or hate him, he’s got it goin’ ON.

Junaid Jamshed

Occupation: Ex-popstar turned Religious man.

Why: Why? Hellooo gorgeous!!

JJ is one smoooth operator. 

How he’ll address the nation: With his lovely blue-eyed, bushy bearded personality, that contagious smile and gentle speech, going off his former extreme popularity he’ll be interesting to listen to. Plus, the genuinely nice religious man needs some representation here too.    

CJ - Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry

Occupation: Sacked Chief Justice, object of the common man’s affections,

Why: He’s independant minded, patient, has been putting up with a lot of quack since Nov 2007.

How he’ll address the nation: In his usual enigmatic, empowering, ruckus-creating, cross-eyed manner. He’s so endearing, I totally stamp my feet and bang my fists on tough surfaces to applaud his speeches too.

Imran Khan

Occupation: Cricketer turned Philanthropist turned Politician (just pretend for a sec you didn’t know that already).

Why: He’s hot, apart from that? He once brought the Cricket world cup home, Hurrah! He’s honest (sometimes a bit too brutally honest it seems). Dedicating his life towards the cause of being taken seriously as a politician. Bless you for trying.

How he’ll address the nation: Ermm.. like he does already all over TV, and that ”dekhein, dekhein” style. If it worked in convincing the likes of Jerry Hall, pray, who’re we to complain?

I’m LOLing

Just spotted this at Islamabad Metblogs.

Zardari for President?

I’m neutral about this, because I’m still a tad giddy with elation after Musharraf’s departure.

The country will know its fate on the 6th September, frankly, if he wins, there’s bugger all we can do about it.

Obama Bin Laden is the real threat to Pakistan, the country will fare well otherwise, it’s America’s intervening where the real issues lie.

I dont see him as that big a threat, and feel that people are bickerign for the sheer hell of it. For fun however, let’s take a look at some crucial reasons why we do or dont want to see him in power.

NO!

He is notorious for the worst ever allegations against him; that he is corrupt, that his ‘criminal record’ made him a liability for the PPP (his wife’s party at the time) and ultimately, that he even had his wife assassinated, even her brother Murtaza Mir Bhutto assassinated.

He has 25 MQM Candidates backing his push for presidency. BAAAD news!

There’s a chance he wont restore the deposed judges.

He keeps pissing off fellow politicians - Nawaz Sharif and Maulana Fazal-ur-Rehman. Boooo!

He’s a convicted criminal, spent 8 years in jail.

He was Benazir Bhutto’s Husband! And is Bilal Bhutto Zardari’s Daddi-o! Smells fishy! 

He was known as a ”Playboy” uh-oh!

He smiles - A lot.

Dude, he fugly!!

YES!

He was the ”designated fall guy” for Benazir aka. he took the fall for his wife’s actions, he entered the marriage knowing ”it would always be about her, not him”.  

He spent 8 years in Jail - The Pakistani Nelson Mandela. What’s that saying about Politicians that get caught and those that dont?

He’s told America where to shove it! America is thus criticising him.

He has been willing to work as part of a coalition force from February 2008, meaning he isn’t a self glorifying hero, he simply ’shares’ good publicity.

There’s a chance he’ll restore the deposed judges.

He was Benazir Bhutto’s Husband! And is Bilal Bhutto Zardari’s Daddi-o! Sexy!

He once risked his own life to rescue the daughter of a German diplomat and her horse. Bravo!

He smiles - A lot. Makes a change from the archetypal constipated siyasatdaan’s face.

Dude! He’s smokin’ hot!

Image: L-R: Nawaz Sharif, Asif Ali Zardari

No Rest for the Wicked

We wont be having a GTS Friday contest today guys.

I’m sure all of us are rattled after hearing of yesterday’s attack at a factory in Wah, near Islamabad. Read here.   

Every one life is treasured and just as precious as the other. When we lose one person, it’s a massive tragedy, we barely get over it.  Yesterday we lost 70 (and counting) innocent lives in addition to yet more in alarming figures.

We cannot continue to accept this as the norm.

Yet the wicked just continue in their ways. Whodunnit? The Tehrik-e-Taliban are claiming it to be their work. It has nothing to do with religious beliefs, but simply an exchange of lives, an eye for an eye. Tehrik-e-Taliban against the Pakistani Army (under the command of USA ultimately). Pakistan’s army does air raids, and other similar terror-spreading attacks on innocent families for example somewhere in Bajaur (NWFP) and then in turn some angered young man seeks justice by attacking army-linked facilities killing more innocent civilians in the process. 

How long can this vicious cycle continue? We want ceasefire, a reasonable peace deal. Let that be given a prominent ranking on the new govt’s agenda.

I was overjoyed knowing that maybe the army will have to turn back on its command, now that Musharraf has finally thrown in the towel and in the knowledge that the new publicly elected govt. does not want to get tied into America’s ‘proxy war’.    But there is nothing more that fills you with a sense of doom than a grinning Condoleeza Rice on TV stating how she ‘plans to work closely with such-and-such Govt.’ It always spells further trouble. Let’s hope Zardari and co. stand by their word when liaising with the US (AND frickin re-instate the judges already!!).

Obviously no-one’s expecting miracles so early, but I am rather apprehensive since yesterday.. I hate that goofy bitch ”Bush di secretary, fasaad te chughli laan waali factory” (Punjaagi).

On other political notes, I remember being awe-stricken by smidgen-sized-formerly-unheard-of Georgia’s viciousness against mega-superpower Russia, the latter is one scarey mutha, not one to attack so carelessly, but then I find out Georgia’s leader is being backed by Zionist movements. Naturally!!

See how they instigate wars? Clev-ver!!

I wonder if they had a say in China’s to-do with Tibet? (Wink)

US & Zionist Isreal-ally India, these days, despite being favourably tipped as a near-future superpower is coming apart at the seams, the poor are getting desperate and the long opressed Muslims of Kashmir are demanding they become part of Pakistan. There are many Muhajirs in AJK streaming from Jammu Kashmir and Pooch areas, it’s only when you hear their tragic tales that you really thank Qaid-e-Azam a million times over for creating Pakistan. Sigh, but then Pakistan is no longer the sought after refuge it once was, for dangerous waters have seeped in and who knows if they’ll ever be washed out.

On another note; Afghans are really beginning to piss me off, they’re so impossibly up-their-own-asses.

Goodnight and Godspeak

Last night on facebook was atrocious, everyone’s joining groups like ‘Mush is our Jinnah’, Mush - Pakistan’s saviour’ and all types of hullabaloo. And then they’re calling the anti-Mushes lemmings. Who exactly are the lemmings here??

He was another ”Jinnah” alright, he was almost about to split Pakistan in half, Balochistan and NWFP split away from Pakistan (wait doesn’t that sound similar to Indian channel - Rayat TV’s agenda?) hmm.. pieces to a puzzle.

What saviour? That he helped in funding a movie, or lifted bans on certain musicians? Yes, I’ll admit that was a good move, but what about the negatives? They outdo the pluses.. I’d rather not see a couple of glitterati red carpet do’s in exchange for peace, happiness and liveliness restored in Pakistan!

Is Zardari ‘the crook’ the man to do it? Let’s see.. we dont have a crystal ball at-the-ready, but let’s see. No-one has yet give the man a chance. He’s even being suspected of having had his wife assasinated - yeah.. whatever!! I call it desperately clutching at straws! He’s done his time! He’s paid for his sins. Let’s get over it! I’m not a fan either, but he’s working cohesively as a team member. That’s better than all this one-man-upmanship and sly little backhander deals with USA than we’ve been seeing for a long time!
Zardari-Sharif might even follow suit, but with a force as big as theirs (and counting),  I doubt they’ll feel the need to dwindle into foreign territory.

Mush has made a clever move by resigning and planning to jump ship, he may miss his impeachment, which is a shame as he has 20 different charges and America’s sneaky little alliance was a little more conveniently sneaky these last few days. When they thought he would be impeached, they backed away stating it’s ‘his own country’s internal affairs’ PAH! Now that they know he’s possibly going to get away with it, they’re suddenly cosying up to him again. That should serve as a lesson learned.
It’s not a personal thing, he was obviously a purchased service, he’s just past his sell by date.

PLEASE NOTE: Dont be seeing this with any shades of familiarity as Saddam Hussein’s end-of-reign and toppling of statue, there’s a world of a difference. Saddam opposed the US (for reasons good or bad, who knows) and the same people responsible for the felling of his statue regret it today, in Pakistan’s case it’s the exact opposite.

A massive sigh of relief:

Pakistan’s newly elected civilian coalition government has faced criticism from the United States that it was not doing enough to fight militants operating along the Afghan-Pakistan border. The civilian government is reluctant to fight what it sees as a proxy war for the US. Read more.

Photo: Birds of a feather stick together; Karzai & Musharraf embrace.

I know who I’d rather read…

Up yours John Mayer!!

Surprise surprise, he’s dumped yet another one.

Mayer’s blog(s) may be popular with some, but I know whose blog I’d rather read;

AliZafar.net/Blog

(LOVE!)

Tagged | Eight

I was tagged by No One!

(haha.. very clever No One)

8 Peculiar/Random things about me:

1. On the last day of school me and my cousin invented a sound ”wuttururururururu” that epitomised just how ecstatically happy and relieved we were, promising that whenever we felt most happiest or accomplished something mega - we would shout this out into the open and laugh like lunatics. The last two times I did it (or overdid it), it brought tragedy, so I wont use it again. I’m sure it’s jinxed! 
2. I had a long checklist of things I had to accomplish this year and I’ve ticked EVERYTHING off and it’s only August yet, it was hard work but it’s done, but it seems like i’m just dreaming it. Hasn’t sunk in yet.
3. My friends have plans for me now that i’m ’all clear’ but now I dont have any energy.. and no excuses to hold back either. Hello grown-up life! (I really dont want to let go of some things, but I’m afraid the time is nigh). 
4. I hate pasta and rice dishes. So bland. The only rice I can eat is a special savoury dish my mum makes on eid. Extra fragrant with big yummy chunks of lamb (i’m carnivorous) and chick peas, it has a browney colour with all the garam masala in it. It’s defiinitely not Biryani (which I tried for the first time a year ago), maybe it’s a variety of pilao? 
5. I secretly (ok, not so secretly) think Naseem Begum is an unsung hero. Her voice and renditions always move me to tears ”Sau baar chaman mehka” is my life in a song.
6. All the most embarrassing, stupid, ridiculous things simply HAVE to  happen to me!! I survive by sheer wit and err.. ability to just.. err… pull through it by some miracle each time (like you’d never guess what’s just happened at work! Mother*beep*ers!!).
7. I’ve never met anyone who has ever understood me, they always get me so wrong, partly my own fault, for being so vague and unwilling to share my feelings. But it’s mega frustrating. Aaaargh!!
8. I’m still afraid of the dark, I run to switch the light off and run back fast as I can to bed, quickly read ayat ul qursi afraid something will jump out from under the bed and hate fluffy teddies and things with unblinking eyes in the dark, frankly anything with a face. Creepy!! 

I tag… Zair, Nen, Mutazazalalalaman Tarar, Asma and anyone else who wants to join in. You’re all welcome, dont be spoilsports!

GTS Friday | 17

Guess this song by the following lyrics;

”hum to sirf anwaan the, asal daastaan tum ho
nafraton ke darwazay khud pe band hi rakhna
iss watan ke parcham ko sarbaland hi rakhna”

Clue: He is a legend, this is a national song (duh!)

Happy to you! :o)

Kurri Wins!

Song: Mehdi Hasan’s Yeh Watan Tumhara Hai .. tum ho paasbaan iss ke.. (sniff, snivvle)

Happy 61st Independance Day!

What does the 14th of August mean to expats like me exactly? I’ve spent many a 14th August in Pakistan, not much celebrating used to be done (the school age kids would do some childish things like face paints or mehndi with the crescent moon and star but nothing too exciting, PTV would just repeat cheap cooking desi ghee adverts, the same annoying woman over and over again ”Dalda ghee aur cooking oils ki jaanib se Jashne Azadi Mubaraaak -echo-echo-echo”. On one occasion I even travelled back to England on 14th August from the Capital’s airport, but there were no decorations or any fun activities going on, (maybe because we were flying out at the crack of dawn and the sleepy staff had not yet got started?) Oh, except I recall we were handed out cute little Pakistani flag enamel brooches by airport staff they weren’t tacky, they were quite classy and expensive looking actually, I still have mine, somewhere, out there. I’ll admit I was quite nonchalant in my Pakistani stance in my younger years.

Maybe I value Pakistan as a country more now because I’m older now or something else? Heck! I even wear green and white clothes on the day.
It’s ironic how it’s adversities like these we’re seeing today that make us all the more patriotic.

I was very excitedly showing my work colleagues pictures of the area of Islamabad I’ll be staying (with family) and they were awestruck, ‘’oh it’s beautiful, so .. like it’s not really like India is it? I mean india’s like really poor, this looks much more posher and like.. cleaner and greener”.
(She is blonde, but she’s not a dumb blonde, she’s holidayed twice in India, but often complains about the deperate poverty and the world’s highest murder rates in Delhi, but yes, her above statement sounds very dumb blonde-ish! Besides, why is it Pakistan cant have any mention without a mention of India first?)

That wasn’t a cue for me to get into the India Vs Pak in-depth reports but for some reason, I dropped what I was doing, to describe the geography of Pakistan to them (my favourite topic), for I feel that nowhere else is quite as varied and glorious as pakistan’s natural landscape. Which goes to show why it was prominently featured in a book called ‘World’s Greatest Natural Landmarks’ (or something - I’ll find that book and get more details for you). K2 and the the Himalayan, Karakoram and Hindukush mountain ranges, the desert of Sindh and Thar national park are given a mention in that book. Back to my colleagues, it was as if I was telling a story to fascinated children, and I thoroughly enjoyed telling it.
At that an Italian colleague exclaimed; ”Italy has beautiful enough rural areas and then built up urban areas with modern facilities, like you’re describing Pakistan, but I’ve never felt as attached to it as you do Pakistan?”
At that I just fell quiet, just simply stated, ”all my family is there, my cousins, uncles, aunts, I miss them.” It was the truth, but only half of it.
How can you say you ”LOVE” a country without sounding proud or naive, cheesy and unconvincing? People usually ask: ”If you love it so much, why don’t you stay here in Pakistan, why flit to and fro? Why wont you just settle here?”.
I did try that, Plan A didn’t quite work out, now I’m on Plan B.

Money, money, money:
That’s a big factor, as to why we jump ship  some return, some never look back again.
One huge contributing factor is the government and welfare!
An observation I have made is; Pakistan has a history of the worst governments in the world and successively, England, who I have to hand it to, has possibly the best government in the world. Yes, it latches onto America’s shoddy foreign policies, but when it comes to looking after its own people it’s second-to-none. On the other hand, if it wasnt for the government this country would probably be nothing. The lifestyles are poor in comparison with the all the exciting, atmospheric culture of Pakistan. The govt. may not look after us but we know how to look after ourselves.
Pakistan  has so much more to offer, its sole problem is its government. Enough with dictators and threats of hitting its people with danday! The people have their own set of rights which have been violated for so long.

It’s all his fault, and his, and his too!
So? I’m ”blaming” someone else, well DUH? It’s like being shot dead whilst walking down the street minding your own business and when you go for justice they say; ”hold on, it’s not the murderers fault, don’t blame HIM, it’s you, you’re twisted for walking down that street that day!”
No nation is full of mr and ms. perfects, maybe a small fraction  of the blame does rest on individuals, but there’s no denying how much other countries intervening has led to disastrous results. Let’s not forget Ayub Khan, Zia Ul-Haq and now Musharraf, who not only is being backed by USA but last night on the eve of Independance day Indian govt. officials showed their solidarity for Musharraf. Hello hello… last time we checked Pakistan belonged to the Pakistani people and it is up to them who they decide they want in power. They have already decided. We are not dumb people, we are perfectly capable of making a collective decision, and we’ve made it.
I’m sure the ‘latter concerned party’ has had much involvement with Musharraf’s rule from the word go. It’s pretty obvious actually. Yes, I love a good juicy conspiracy.
Conspiracies however will come and go. Just like when a group of Indians said Pakistan wouldn’t last beyond 2008, back in .. I think 2004?

Jashn-e-Azadi Mubarak!
So here we are, celebrating the 61st Independance Day in the year 2008 (HAH! At those Indians - in your faces!). We’ll do the same next year, the year after, the year after that, the year after that too, and so forth. Ameen to that!

Dil Dil Pakistan!

This was originally written for Teabreak’s ‘Phir se Jeevay Pakistan’ under the title ‘All ‘pak’ed up; ready to go’. 

Busy busy busy!

No time to blog, sorry guys…

I’ll be back! Soon-ish!

Musharraf - ‘The Dictator Dog’

I’m a bit clueless on this topic, BUT a certain acquaintance isn’t and I must applaud his stance on the current political situation. I’ve never read anything that made more sense in my life! I totally agree with the dude. Lovin’ it!!

By Mutazalzaluzzaman Tarar:

”I find it difficult to believe that in this day and age, we still have educated people defending this dictator dog… especially after all that he has done to this country and its people.

• This one man has destroyed the supreme court.
• He “fired” 50+ judges of the higher courts when he has no authority to do so.
• He SOLD Pakistani citizens for five thousand dollars. I would not sell my car for that kind of money. And this man who is supposed to be the symbol of the federation of Pakistan SOLD Pakistani citizens.
• He even sold Pakistani women.
• One’s heart bleeds when one sees what happened to Dr. Aafia Siddiqi. The poor lady was abducted WITH her kids. We still don’t know where her kids are.
• He tortured journalists.
• He has created a war zone in our North.
• He was selling national assets BELOW their net asset values.
• He had ordinary civilians beaten and tortured for protesting.
• He tortured protesting lawyers.
• Munir Malik nearly died because of kidney failure when he was arrested by Musharraf’s mafia.

The dictator has;

- no respect for the laws of the country,

- for the constitution of Pakistan,

- or the rights of the citizens of Pakistan,

- for the media of Pakistan which has rendered great service to the people of Pakistan as their watchdog.

And yet we say that others are worse? And so what if Zardari and Nawaz are worse? At least they are leaders of democratically elected political parties! yes, they have problems but we will get to them when we get rid of the bigger devil. At least there is a way to kick them out - which are elections. How do we get rid of dictators? They are absolutely shameless and won’t go even if you beg them. Today 85%+ of people want Musharraf to leave as per the IRI survey and yet this beghairat man won’t leave! The point isn’t even what crimes the dictator dog committed because he will get what is due to him one day. The problem is why are we still looking at personalities? Our solution will not come from individuals be it scum like Musharraf, Dogar or Altaf Hussain or heroes like the honorable CJ of Pakistan Justice Iftikhar Chauhdry, Aitzaz Ahsan, etc or individual politicians like Zardari or Sharif, etc. We need systems and institutions. We need democracy - not one man rule. We have spent more than 30 years experimenting with one man rule. It does NOT work. Ayub laid the seeds for Bangladesh’s destruction. Yahya completed the deed. Zia laid the seeds for Talibanization and terrorism and Musharraf has completed the deed. Ayub and Yahya gave us the separation of Bangladesh. Zia and Musharraf may have done the same for Balochistan or NWFP (God forbid). The moral of the story is that the bloody army and its corrupt generals have to stay out of bloody politics. Their job is to defend the borders of the country - not rule over us bloody civilians like we were second class citizens in our own country. Everyone harps on about what the politicians have taken. Okay, but what have the generals stolen? Where are the accounts for that? “Look Musharraf doesnt have much powers any more, and wow just look at how amazing our country is doing! We are going down FAST, the new govt. is squeezing out what was left in our country.” So, you gave the dictator dog NINE YEARS to prove how incompetent he was. And yet you think this government is failing after FOUR MONTHS! how is this govt supposed to fix the mess that the dictator has created in NINE long and dark years in less than half a year? “And maybe that is exactly why Ali Azmat supports Musharraf. ” And what credibility does Mr. Azmat have? This is the same man who said that he voted for MQM despite the fact that Junoon was threatened by the terrorist Muttahida Qaatil Movement. It’s much easier to be a “rebel” with a guitar than to stand up for yourself in real life, eh Mr. Azmat? I always thought that artists deserved more respect in our society. but the key is who exactly is an artist… And this reminds me of something Fasi Zaka wrote. He said something to the effect that Pakistan might have many good singers but we don’t have artists and that there is a difference between the two. Ali Azmat might be a singer or a maraasi but he is certainly no artist. Artists historically are always the first to stand up to tyranny and dictatorship - not first to bow down their head to dictators and fascists like Mr. Azmat likes to. They act as the conscience of society. After watching Mr. Azmat’s verbal diarrhea, I have promised myself that I will never buy any of his albums again. I cannot support a man who supports fascist terrorists like Muttahida Qaatil Movement and dictators and tyrants like Musharraf. As offended as I was by Mr. Azmat talking out of his ass and by how he disrespected Pakistani people by saying that we don’t want to educate ourselves and we can only be kept in line with a danda and therefore, Musharraf is the solution… the thing that worries me is that I was a kid when VS came around. And I remember that Junaid, Rohail etc were more than musicians to me. I hung on their every word and treated them like heroes. But then, I grew up. and while I still like these guys, I don’t form my political views based on theirs. so, today there are kids who listen to and probably idolize Junoon and Mr. Amzat who latch on to every ill-thought word that Mr. Azmat utters who are going to be disillusioned with democracy and the political process. This worries me. We need our generation and younger people to become involved with the politics of their country - not become despondent and give up their country so that traitors like Musharraf run amok for decades. In the end, I’m sorry super for turning this into my soapbox. but I feel very strongly about this and I just cannot believe that this dictator who has brought our country to the brink of destruction is still being defended by the so-called intelligentsia of Pakistan!”

GTS Friday | 16

Guess this song by the following lyrics;

”Suntey rahe hain woh bhi mera daastaan e ghum (hoo hoo)

Yaadein bani huey hain, saarey mere dil ke raastey”

Yess.. it’s F-F-F-F-Frriiiday!!

Eddie wins!!

Song is Mushkil by Hadiqa Kiyani!